Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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