Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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