Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
