I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
