so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
