he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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