Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize