Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
whose parrot is this?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
