I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
