clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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