Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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