I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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