Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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