The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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