Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
