This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
