i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
