a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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