don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
