Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
