I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Less talking, more tequila
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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