I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
