your parents love me but you hate me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
