He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
