Someone shit on the floor
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
