remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
