I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
