i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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