ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize