Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
birth control should be required to get into college
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
