I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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