he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
