College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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