Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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