Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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