I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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