Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
