So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
