So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
