I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
