I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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