he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize