I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
