Sry I called you an 8
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
