Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
