my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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