I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
