everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
