just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
