Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
