I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
