I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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