Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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