that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
