everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
