either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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