dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
