Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
