i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
