Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
