I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
