soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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