DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The ass gains better be worth it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
