I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
