so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
