My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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