Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
