I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i love accidental penises.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
