I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize