my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
