Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
