White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
