I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
