So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
