Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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