Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
