Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
