The maid of honor just puked.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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