walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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