you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
