I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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