I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
