My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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