i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
