i don't like sucking hair
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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