i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
