she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
