addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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